Bad Meditation #1

Need to catch up on cardio and strength training? Carry a cinder block at least 5 miles! You can carry it any way you’d like, the only rule is it can’t touch the ground! If anyone asks what you’re doing or why you are carrying a cinder block, simply say “I can’t put it down.” They won’t ask you any further questions.

Bad Meditation #202

Bushwhack an overgrown trail with a large stick you’ve found. For best results, use a stick that is not too long, between 2.5-3 feet, and not too thick, roughly half an inch in diameter. Sticks with lots of small protrusions will get stuck in the vegetation, so opt for the smoothest stick you can find. Depending on the durability of the vegetation, the difficulty of this meditation can vary.

Bad Meditation #625

Throw around a baseball in a parking lot late a night. The added pressure of not hitting parked cars will ensure you catch and throw better. The asphalt also provides less resistance than grass, so if you miss the ball, that bugger will roll a hell of a lot farther.

Bad Meditation #704

Assist nature naturally.

Bad Meditation #1498

Add some extra flavor to a Negroni by cutting off the tip of your finger! This will place you within a restrictive creative paradigm since you won’t be able to play bass with the tip of your finger cut off.

Bad Meditation #1843

Hike the entirety of the Long Island Greenbelt. Any time you stop, you must burn yourself with a cigarette for the duration of your break.

Bad Meditation #2511

Eat an entire jar of goober. (For best results, leave in a hot car for 24-hours prior to consumption.)

Bad Meditation #4203

Lighting a cigarette costs 25 push-ups. Bumming a drag costs 10. Bumming a hit of a vape costs 100, loser.